I am wearing my flak jacket as we speak.
Because I know there are people out there who are going to hate me for writing this post.
I know this. And that’s ok.
I am ready.
You see, I have put off this post for a very, very long time because I have worthiness issues; a need for approval.
I have built up walls around myself for as long as I can remember, because if you don’t really know me, you can’t really dislike me.
But I am tired of it. If you have been following me for any length of time, you will be familiar with my journey and understand why I am “over it”.
I am so sick of worrying about what other people will think of me because of the way I think, what I choose to believe and the feelings I have about certain issues.
Because along with all the people who WON’T like me, what I am focused on more now are the people who WILL, if my thoughts, feelings and beliefs resonate with theirs.
I am living a more authentic life, and it is freeing. But it can also be scary.
So that’s where I’m at on my journey. And that is where this post is coming from. From a place where I feel really, really strongly about something, and where I am no longer going to hide behind my walls.
But it’s not entirely self-serving. Not at all.
My hope is that perhaps others need to read this message in order to hear the whisper.
That “Hmmm…maybe there is something here” kind of whisper.
Maybe.
I hope so, anyway.
So here I am.
About to tell you the truth, the way I see it.
Deep breath…here goes.
I Love You.
I will start by saying I love you.
No matter who you are or what your situation, your circumstances, your beliefs, your feelings or your thoughts, I love you because you are my brothers and my sisters; my teachers and my guides; you are my fellow man.
No matter what you look like, the friends you have, the job you do, the car you drive or the house you live in, I love you.
Because we are all ONE.
We are all spiritual beings having a human experience.
This is what I believe.
And I love you.
As you may know, I am leading the Kick The Sugar Challenge to help people rid themselves of an addiction to sugar and to help them get back to eating the way our bodies are designed to eat….with REAL food.
And we are learning to move our bodies because our bodies are designed to move.
And we are learning to care for our bodies because they are the most precious gifts we will ever receive and they are worthy of care, love, respect and trust.
During the course of the Challenge, we do a lot of inner work that helps us get clear on why we have used food-like products (because junk food is not actually food) to soothe our emotions for so long; why we reach for sugar when what we really need to do is address our problems, feel our feelings, acknowledge them, and find a better way to soothe them.
We do a lot of work repairing the damage we have caused in our lives; and the hurt that we have been caused, either knowingly or unknowingly, by others.
We analyze our overeating and using junk food to soothe that is often the result of pain we endured in childhood, or pain we have experienced as we have gotten older.
Hurting our bodies with food is a form of self-hatred. Yet it stems from a desire for self-preservation. It comes from pushing down emotions we don’t want to feel by using food to soothe, to numb, to forget.
But instead of giving us the result we want, making the feelings go away, it adds to the problem. The feelings are still there, and now we feel the self-loathing and shame that comes with over-eating; being out of control.
As we gain weight and inches, as we become more and more unhealthy, we show our bodies how much we hate them. We push people away as we grow bigger and bigger. We make it harder and harder to find ourselves buried deep beneath the weight.
We show ourselves that we are unworthy of love; especially the most important love we will ever know…self-love.
The Truth...And Why It's So HARD
But here’s the really hard part.
First, we NEED to eat to survive.
Second, we are hard-wired to CRAVE salt, fat, and sugar.
Hard-Wired.
Having salt, fat and sugar in our diets is key to our survival as a species.
And so food producers play on our physiology in order to sell products.
Salt: Salt is essential to countless bodily processes. If we look into our ancestry, we didn’t come by salt easily. So, our brains had to really like the taste of it so that we would seek it out.
Fat: Our bodies are designed to prefer fatty, high calorie foods, because they give us more energy for a longer period of time. This is how our bodies are designed.
Sugar: When we lived in caves, we ate sugar (from fruit), and we received instant energy. It had the benefit of tasting good but also caused us to store fat, which is what we wanted when we knew we may go long stretches of time without food.
We had to endure long periods without food, and so our bodies are incredibly efficient when it comes to storing fat.
The trouble is, we no longer go long periods of time without food!
The longest we might go is a few hours, and then when we eat, it is often not what our bodies need, but simply what we crave.
And what do we crave?
Salt, Fat and Sugar!
Because again, we are HARD-WIRED to crave it.
And do we get SALT from scooping water out of the ocean and drying it? NO! We eat potato chips.
Do we get FAT from eating salmon or nuts? NO! We eat Burgers and Fries.
Do we get SUGAR from eating a handful of berries? NO! We eat candy and bagels and vanilla lattés.
These amazing bodies of ours simply have to store all of those extra calories we put into our mouths.
They have NOWHERE else to go!
And so they are stored as fat.
The kind of fat that suffocates our organs and causes us to weigh more; the fat that hurts our precious hearts and affects virtually every system in our bodies; the fat that has us looking in the mirror and saying:
“I hate the way I look.”
The fat that has us saying:
“I hate my body”.
The fat that has us saying:
“I am disgusting”.
The fat that has us saying:
“No one is ever going to love me”.
Because ALL of our overeating is really saying “I am not worthy of love”.
And if we TRULY want to change the way we feel about ourselves, then we must believe that the most transformative love we will ever know is self-love.
How Do We Do It?
So, how do we decide to love ourselves when we look in the mirror and feel so unlovable? When we see round faces with double chins, when we can grab rolls of fat on our stomachs; when our thighs rub together, when our arm fat hangs down, when we keep buying the next size up?
How can we love ourselves then?
First, we must break free from the lie that tells us we have to look a certain way in order to be lovable. Although body image and self image are closely linked, they are not the same thing. We absolutely MUST learn to love ourselves no matter what we look like.
We love ourselves by working towards being the BEST versions of ourselves that we can possibly be.
We love ourselves by doing loving things like going to bed at a decent hour and prioritizing our sleep.
We love ourselves by preparing nourishing meals made from real food and staying one step ahead of our hunger so that we aren’t tempted in the world.
We love ourselves by moving our bodies daily and prioritizing our physical health.
We love ourselves by caring for our bodies and showing them how much we respect and admire them for all they do for us.
We love ourselves by MAKING THE DECISION that the only time is NOW!
We love ourselves by deciding that no matter what our friends or our families do or say, we are going to do things differently; we are going to go back to basics and eat food that we KNOW is good for us (not by looking at a package or reading claims) but by being honest about our choices to eat REAL FOOD.
We love ourselves by moving our bodies, exercising, sweating, feeling our hearts beating beneath our chests.
We love ourselves by deciding to do whatever it takes to become the healthiest versions of ourselves.
Because, here is where you may hate what I have to say, but I am going to say it anyway.
Our bodies don’t want to be fat.
They don’t.
They really, really don’t.
Now, I am NOT talking about a few extra pounds or even several extra pounds on your amazing body.
No.
You can be extremely fit, healthy and happy while carrying some extra weight. Because there is no such thing as an “ideal weight” other than it being the weight you can live happily with!
No. I am talking about the fat that we carry when most of our meals are junk food.
I am talking about the fat that we carry when we almost NEVER exercise.
I am talking about the fat that we carry when we do not care for ourselves; when we have lost trust, love and respect for ourselves.
This is the fat I am talking about.
The fat that suffocates our organs and damages our health. The fat that stops us from enjoying our lives and holds us hostage in our own bodies.
I PROMISE, I am not even talking about the way our bodies LOOK for the most part; I am talking about how healthy we are as a consequence of how we LIVE.
And guess what? You can even be “skinny” and fat! There are people who simply don’t gain as much weight as others even though they survive on fast-food, and never eat a vegetable or move their bodies.
These people are unhealthy, too, with fat surrounding their organs as well, and they might find themselves tired, depressed, sick, and in pain.
I am talking FAR LESS about the number on a scale and FAR MORE about the vibrancy you are experiencing in your life.
I AM saying, however, that our bodies DO NOT WANT TO BE FAT.
They do NOT want organ-suffocating fat inside them.
They do NOT want to be huffing and puffing from walking up a flight of stairs due to the extra weight they have to carry or their lack of cardiovascular exercise.
They do NOT want to feel achy and pained in the hips and knees due to the excess pressure they have placed on them or the fact that they sit all day without moving.
They do NOT want to feel ashamed every time they are thought of or each time they pass by a mirror.
They do NOT want to feel HATRED TOWARDS THEM ALL THE TIME!
They WANT to be loved!
And they want YOU to love them.
All they ever ask of you is that you help them do the job they were created to do…to carry your spirit around this earth so that you can touch the lives of those you care about. And they can only do that when you treat them with love and respect.
That is their goal.
Can you see that?
Can you feel that?
Can you imagine that as being the truth?
Taking Away Excuses
Now, I KNOW some medications cause weight-gain. That is SO challenging. Often, it is anti-depression medication or steroids for certain auto-immune disorders like Crohn’s and colitis that can cause significant weight-gain.
In these cases, you have even more at stake when it comes to eating healthy and exercising. Your body will benefit so much from this love and care. But it is MUCH more challenging, for you, for sure.
And there are others who will get an illness or disease in spite of the fact that they “do everything right”. This is just bad luck. There are people in the world who simply have to deal with health issues that the rest of us don’t.
Let the rest of us feel incredibly blessed that we don’t have a health issue to tend to on top of everything else we must do if we want to be the healthiest versions of ourselves.
Let’s give our bodies the BEST CHANCE we can!
But let’s stop using illness or disease as an excuse to not eat well or exercise.
Let’s not say “this is my only pleasure” as we eat pizza and cookies while we are sick and unhealthy. Let’s do EVERYTHING we can to heal our bodies when they need care the most.
Now this is where you may decide you’ve had enough of me. And, again, that’s ok.
Because this is what I believe to be the truth.
We normalize being fat and unhealthy by saying that we need to love every sized body just the way it is.
While I AGREE that we MUST love ourselves EXACTLY as we are RIGHT NOW in order to be healthy, I do NOT agree that we should continue to normalize obesity and unhealthy lifestyles so that we can continue to eat our way to being sicker, fatter and more depressed than we have ever been in history.
Too often, we hear about fat shaming. I agree, we simply can not shame our way to better health. But let’s not use the argument against fat shaming as an excuse to stay stuck in unhealthy habits.
And let’s not hide behind this idea that we should love our bodies no matter the size when we go home and cry about how we look; when we can’t understand why we can’t stop eating this or that junk food; when we can’t fit into the clothes we want to wear; when we can’t do the things other people can do because of our weight.
If we truly felt self-love, we wouldn’t be dealing with this internal struggle every single day. Every moment of the day.
I am not suggesting we should compare ourselves to models in magazines or the unrealistic body images in the media.
Absolutely NOT.
But we MUST strive to be the healthiest versions of ourselves so that we can feel the true, deep love that comes with self-trust and self-respect.
The kind of love that allows us to live our BEST lives; feeling our best and offering our best to the world.
By telling ourselves we are happy with how we look and how we are living and then going home and feeling deep shame or crying ourselves to sleep after eating an entire box of Oreos; that is NOT love. That is NOT living vibrantly.
That is not living authentically.
Instead, it is hiding the truth of our lives in order to be able to keep doing what we’re doing.
Even though what we are doing is making us fat, sick, and depressed.
I get it. I really do. I did it all the time when I was drinking. I would justify my drinking because “everyone drinks” and “all of my friends do, too”. And yet in the quiet moments, I hated myself.
I knew I had a problem; I knew I drank differently, but I also knew that the second I admitted it, I’d have to stop.
And stopping was the LAST thing I wanted to do.
I didn’t know who I was without alcohol. But I sure as hell knew I wasn’t living the way I wanted to live.
You may feel this way about food.
What It Takes
Our children will not live as long as we will.
Children are being diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes by the age of 12.
We sit. ALL DAY.
We rely on sugar and caffeine to keep us awake. ALL DAY.
Food marketers relentlessly pump out new products to addict us. EVERY DAY.
We simply MUST take matters into our own hands.
Or else we risk becoming the people we meet in the Disney Pixar movie Wall-E. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend this film if you have kids (and even if you don’t!)
So when we can find salt, fat and sugar EVERYWHERE, it takes just about everything we’ve got to DECIDE that this is not the way we will eat!
It takes a plan, a strategy, tools and a roadmap to learn how to NOT eat like this. It takes support and accountability of others who can help you get to where you want to go.
It may take serious re-wiring to create new habits about food; we may have to challenge the beliefs of our parents and other family members who taught us what to eat and how to prepare meals. We may be seen as outcasts in work situations or with friends.
That’s hard.
But once you develop the skills; once you start feeling better than you can remember feeling, it WILL get easier. And you might just have some people asking you what you’re doing…and if they can join you, too.
Or, you may end up meeting new people with whom you can connect and share your new journey with.
Because they are out there! They are absolutely out there.
It just takes you looking.
And DECIDING.
Your body does NOT want to be fat.
Because it wants to live and thrive and feel vibrant and healthy.
Because it wants to stop living in pain.
Because it wants to do everything you ask of it…with ease.
Because it wants to show up for you, and all it asks is you offer it the same courtesy.
Because it wants nothing more than to do the job it knows how to do.
Because your amazing body craves your love.
I hope this message served you in some way. And I hope you don’t hate me. But if you do, I understand. I really, really do.
I just want the best for you.
Because I want you to love your life one bite at a time.
P.S. Tell me what you think of this post. I know it was long, but I WANT to hear from you and get your thoughts. Please comment below. 🙂
P.P.S. Want to get started on a new habit that will change the way you eat forever? Download the Food Journal on this site and start tracking every single thing you put in your mouth as soon as you eat (or drink) it. Did you know that people who keep a Food Journal lose two to three times as much weight as those who don’t?
P.P.S.S. If you want to learn how to develop more self-love and to eat and exercise in ways that help you life your best life, then let’s stick together! Sign up for the next Kick The Sugar Challenge by clicking on the “Sugar Challenge” tab at the top of this page. You will be notified as soon as the next one starts. 🙂
P.P.P.S.S. Let’s be friends! Connect with me on Facebook , Twitter and Instagram. 🙂
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