Turning 43

A lot has changed for me in the last year, and I wanted to take this time to share with you some of the behind-the-scenes of what’s happened and of what it has meant having you with me on this journey.

If you’d like to join me, we’ll need to go back in time a little bit…

When I was approaching my 42^nd birthday, I said to myself that I wanted to do something bigger with my life. I was uncomfortable being in the background, and although Roger and I were helping people with their marketing and using video in their business, I wasn’t working to my full potential.

I felt stifled, and I told myself that I wanted to stop hiding from the world; I wanted to stop feeling ashamed of my story, and my past. I wanted to be honest and to share myself more openly with others.

The year before, I had joined Facebook as my first step in getting myself “out there”. I am someone who feels uncomfortable being judged or criticized, and I have always worried  about what others will think of me.

I have deeply rooted feelings of ‘not-good-enough-ness’ that I am working hard to overcome, and so I started off sharing fairly innocuous posts. As I tested the waters, I started sharing more of myself and getting more personal as I got more and more comfortable with this platform.

We Never Do It Alone

I sought the help of coaches and professionals who I believed could help me get clear. I began meditating daily and I continued to exercise regularly. Roger introduced me to Brendan Burchard’s work, and I reached out to my coach and mentor, Moira Hutchison, who conducted a Life Purpose Analysis on me.

It showed that I was entering into a “5” year, which is a year of service. It also represented a year of change, taking things in a new direction. It suggested for me to get out of my rut, meet new people, and expand and promote myself.

I asked myself how I was going to do that. I wasn’t sure, but ever since Roger had suggested it, I had been toying with the idea of starting a blog; writing about my journey—my journey from a drinking life to a sober one; my journey as a single woman moving to a new city; my journey from sickness to health; the journey of others who have gone through challenges and overcome. I was scared to do it.

I mentioned the idea to a few people, and the support was remarkable. “Do it!” and “I would love to read it” were the overwhelming responses I got, and so starting a blog went from being “just an idea” to something I was “working on”.

But I was frozen. I knew that I couldn’t possibly start on this journey unless I was authentic about it. I stalled and halted and worried and stewed about how I would share my story and what people would think of me if I did.

I realized I needed something big to push me to do it.

Removing The Layers

My friend and well-known fashion photographer, Katia Pershin, had shot my previous profile photos, and I had always loved and supported her craft. Her work is remarkable, and has been featured in many magazines. I was blown away by the quality of the images she was creating.

She started offering nude art and boudoir shoots to her clients. I could tell she was really doing something amazing for the women in front of her lens…much more than just taking their photos. Her work was tasteful and edgy and sexy and beautiful. I wanted to see what we could do together, and so I contacted Katia to start the process.

When we met to discuss my goals for the shoot, she asked what the photos would be used for. I told her that some would be kept private, but that others may be used on my soon-to-be-revealed blog. I told her that I wanted to expose myself in a way that people hadn’t seen before.

On January 27^th, 2015, my life forever changed.

During the shoot with Katia, I immediately knew that something was happening. The act of stripping layers from myself, both literally and figuratively, felt so freeing and powerful. It was truly an amazing experience that I will never forget. I was 42 and proud of myself for where I had come from and for where I was going.

The Evolution Of Me

On the day of the reveal, I entered Katia’s studio. She had me sit on a stool in front of a large screen that covered an entire wall. She asked me to close my eyes while she removed the screen. She told me to open my eyes. I took a deep breath.

I sat, stunned, for what felt like minutes. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Photo after photo of…me. Exposed. Raw. Beautiful. I started to cry just from the raw emotion of it all. I stood up to get closer to some of the images. I looked at Katia and, with tears in my eyes, I said “I have never seen myself like this before.”

She simply said “this is you.”

It took me forever to choose the images I wanted to keep, but I finally did and I remember leaving Katia’s studio that day telling her that she had changed me in ways I couldn’t yet describe. “Thank you” could never be enough for what she had done for me. That experience with her began to free me.

I anxiously awaited the day I would receive my photos in the mail so that I could share them with Roger. I had already received the digital files, but I wanted to wait to show him the originals first. The day they came, I placed them in a beautiful photo box and presented them to him on Valentine’s Day, 2015.

My Big Push

Roger was stunned. With every photo, he’d say “that’s my favourite!”…. and then, “no, this one’s my favourite”. It was so much fun watching him go through each one. When he was finished, he simply said “people have to see these”. I laughed. He said “No, seriously. I am sharing all of these.” I told him he was definitely not sharing all of them and he said “yes, I am.” We compromised, and the photos that Roger shared on his Facebook are the ones I approved for sharing.

I knew he was sharing them because of my incessant worries of being judged or criticized. He knew I could never bring myself to share them myself, even though I felt proud of them. In the same way, I hadn’t started my blog because, even though people said they would read it, I didn’t feel I was an expert in anything; I wondered why anyone would want to listen to me.

He shared the photos to give me credibility and also to get me out of my comfort zone. I am grateful he did. Katia started the process by changing my life that day, and Roger kept the ball rolling by sharing those pictures with people I knew and strangers I was about to meet.

Up until the day those photos were shared, I felt hidden. On that day, I received more love and support than I could have ever expected. I was blown away by people’s reactions to them, and when both Roger and Katia commented on Facebook that they couldn’t wait for my upcoming blog, I knew I had no choice but to keep the momentum going.

I was still terrified to share my story, but I knew it was the only way I could break free. It was the last piece to the puzzle. For three months, I tried to write it. I would start and stop and sometimes I would just sit at my computer with tears streaming down my face. The shame of telling people the truth had held me back for so long that it was paralyzing at times.

In February, after reading Derick Fage’s personal story on Facebook, I was more determined than ever to finally get mine out. It wasn’t until I had read and re-read my own story so many times that there were no more tears to cry, that I was finally ready to hit “Post” and share myself with the world.

On May 26, 2015, SarahTalksFood.com made its official launch with my first post, The Decision.

Thank You...Thank You...Thank You.

I truly believe that everything starts with a decision. If you are struggling or feel like you are in a rut, I encourage you to make one single decision that will help you to get closer to your goals.

I know first-hand how hard that first step can be, but I also know how liberating it can feel as well. Decisions, and then actions based on them, is how I have avoided relapses; how I have kept on track with my health goals; how I keep moving forward with this blog and my upcoming book; how I manage my day-to-day life.

If you are here with me on this journey, please know how much I appreciate your presence in my life. It is a gift that I cherish, and I want to serve you in the best way possible. I am so grateful for those of you who have responded with suggestions and topics that you’d like covered. I will do my best to serve you in future posts.

"Getting older is inevitable, but aging is optional"~ Dr. Christiane Northrup

On my birthday night, I posted on Facebook that I am proud of my age. Ever since getting sober and improving my health, I have felt that aging is a privilege, not a right, and I have no right to complain about getting older.

I embrace the changes in my mind, my body and my experience here on earth. Getting older allows me the chance to continue to change, evolve and grow into a person I am proud of. I wouldn’t have this opportunity without the passage of time. I plan to savour and use that time even better this year than I did last year.

As a woman, society can try to make me feel bad about getting older, but I refuse to listen to it. Instead, I embrace aging and honour the gift of my life; and I can only do so by living…which means aging. And I’m good with that.

"Age is just a number, and agelessness means not buying into the idea that a number determines everything from your state of health to your attractiveness to your value".

Christiane Northrup, Goddesses Never Age: The Secret Prescription for Radiance, Vitality and Well-Being 

Sharing My Birthday Dinner...With YOU!

I had so much fun on my birthday! I celebrated at Le Nordik Nature Spa on Friday and then spent time with my brother on Saturday, which was special because he lives with his family in Newmarket. When I blew out my candle, I thanked you and promised to serve you in the best way I can.

I had picked up a capon and wanted to cook it for my birthday dinner, and so today, I want to share with you how I roast a capon/chicken in the oven. In the Easy Recipes section, you can also find my recipe for Crock Pot Chicken, but for larger birds and special occasions, I like roasting them. Note: I didn’t have kitchen twine, so this bird is not trussed! I encourage you to truss yours, as it ensures even cooking and presents better as well.

I hope you enjoy, and if you try it, please let me know what you think in the comments below. 🙂

I would also love to know if you have been afraid to do something but pushed through anyway to emerge stronger. I believe there is no courage without fear, and that sharing our trials and our triumphs connects us in powerful ways. Let's share that good stuff.

Because I want you to love your life one bite at a time.

Now, Let's Eat!

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  Roast Capon

How To Carve A Capon Or Chicken

P.S. To get in touch with Katia Pershin for your very own photo session, find her at http://katiapershinphotography.com/.

P.P.S To find out more about Moira Hutchison, or to have your own Life Purpose Analysis conducted, contact Moira at http://wellnesswithmoira.com/.

P.P.S.S. Let's be friends! Connect with me on Facebook , Twitter and Instagram. 🙂