Mother’s Day…And Expectations. And Death. And love.

Last year, I wrote a post about Mother’s Day that I would like to share again, not because I don’t feel like writing but because it meant a lot to me then and after re-reading it, it means a lot to me now, too.

It may mean something to you, as well…about making time, and death, and life, and love. I hope it resonates. Click here to read the post.

My mother and I have not always seen eye-to-eye. We have had a challenging relationship at times, but with all of that, there has always been so much love and admiration between us. Even when I felt she didn’t understand me or listen to me, there was an undeniable curiosity between us…a deep feeling of wanting to know one another, even if we didn’t know exactly how to go about it.

A few weeks ago, my mother gave me some excellent advice that made me realize that even when I think she’s not paying attention to the details of my life or when I can feel like she is more concerned with her own stuff than mine (whaaaaattt??!!), she is wise; she “gets” things; and I should give her more credit. When she delivered the advice, I said to her, “Mom, that is the best advice you have ever given me”, to which she responded, “Oh, good. I will be sure to give you more, then.” We laughed, but in that moment, I felt undeniably supported and loved by my mother. It was remarkable.

And, in that moment, something shifted inside of me. Although I thought I had let go of a lot of the pain of my relationship with her, I realized I continued to hold on to it…keeping it as a constant reminder that my childhood and relationship with her wasn’t perfect.

But what I realized, is that by placing these kinds of expectations on her, I was setting her up for failure…always looking for evidence to prove that she didn’t love me enough or understand me enough or was…enough.

I am reminded of a Bruce Lee quote where he said, “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations. And you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”

I have finally begun to realize that while my mother may have given me life, she doesn’t owe me anything. I am not allowed to blame her for all of the negative parts of my life if I am also not prepared to thank her for all of the wonderful parts, as well.

So, to my mother, I pledge to ask for your advice and weigh your opinion more often. Because I respect the time and experience you’ve had on earth. I love you dearly and am so thankful to have you in my life. And I am forever grateful that you are my mother.

To all mothers, both those who have raised children and those who mother others in their own way, I hope this Mother’s Day was special for you. While our lives may not always look the way we think they should look and our relationships may not always be what we imagined them to be, we can choose to love our lives the way they are, while also looking to infuse more colour, add more richness, enjoy more peace and create more depth in order to feel more fulfilled.

This is our own work to do.

Because I want you to love your life one bite at a time.

P.S. I am launching another round of the 6 Week Sugar Freedom eCourse! If you would like to change your relationship with food, and do so with a group of like-minded people who will support you, then I encourage you to join us. Click here for the details.

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