The definition of a feeling is “an emotional state or reaction.”
What I am learning is that it’s ok to feel whatever feelings come up. In fact, it’s more than ok. It’s NECESSARY if we want to be in control of our choices rather than have our choices control us.
But having feelings doesn’t mean we have to act on them. At least not right now.
This is not to say that we should ignore our feelings; far from it. Because when we ignore our feelings, they become the child who tugs incessantly on our arm until we pay attention.
No, this is not about ignoring, but observing.
Being the observer gives us time to pause; and then to decide how we will act next.
This has become a big a-ha for a lot of us on the 28-Day Kick The Sugar Challenge. When we realize we can be aware of our feelings and observe our thoughts, as opposed to immediately reacting to them, we can make choices that are aligned with our goals, instead of choosing behaviours that steer us away from what we want.
Building these habits creates new neural pathways in our brains.
It all begins with knowing what we really want. This is where so many people get stuck. They drift; they simply react their way through life.
This was how it used to be for me.
Until I woke up in my life, I was a drifter.
Our power lies in realizing that we have an important part to play in how our lives are created; we create our lives through the choices that we make. Once we decide what we want, everything gets easier.
To Kill
The root word in DECIDE is “cide”. Cide originates from the Latin word caedere meaning “to kill”.
When we DECIDE something, we “kill” all other options. When we make a decision to marry, we kill off all other potential spouses (not literally, of course) and we stay committed to our decision through our daily practice of showing up in our spouse's life; of nourishing the feelings we have for one another and nurturing the relationship we share.
When we made the decision to join the Challenge, we decided that we would trust the process, follow the plan, and abstain from sugar for 28 days. We killed all other options.
We are over halfway there, and I can tell you that it is obvious to me who made the decision...and who didn't. The ones who did are still going strong. They send emails and messages and they share their struggles and their successes. They are invested.
The ones who didn't have fallen off. This isn't to say that they can't make a new decision and get back on, but I can tell you they didn't decide when we started.
There is a difference, and it shows up as ease.
I am not saying this is easy--no part of this is easy--but when we make a decision, really make a decision, all other actions we take support that decision, and so, in many ways, it becomes easy to stay on track.
We have killed off all other options. Those of us who have committed know we won't eat sugar on this Challenge as well as we know we'll inhale after our next exhalation.
We know we will not eat sugar because we decided we wouldn't. Sugar is not going to accidentally enter our mouths.
In fact, there have been a few people who HAVE fallen off. What they realized is they never fully committed at the start, and in realizing this, they have re-committed so strongly that their resolve is iron-clad. It is incredible.
This is what it feels like to DECIDE.
We are creatures of habit, and so this new way of behaving takes effort. It becomes less clunky the more we build up our habit, but even at its most awkward, the ones who made the decision feel differently than the ones who thought about doing it; or the ones who said they would "try"; or the ones who said "they would do their best and even if they do a little, it is still better than nothing".
When we make a decision, everything changes. Everything feels different.
We begin to create a paradigm shift.
I LOVE These People
They are amazing. They are trusting the process and are back in their kitchens, planning and preparing. They are using their journals. They are doing the work.
They are strengthening their resolve with every meal. They are losing weight and inches and feeling so much better.
But more than what they are losing, it's what they are gaining that I'm most passionate about.
More impactful than the weight and inches they are losing is the space they are creating in their lives for goodness to flow in, and we are seeing some amazing transformations; things people didn't expect but that are exciting them and helping them to press on.
In fact, we were able to re-introduce one serving of fruit yesterday, and yet most people so far have agreed to join me and remain sugar-free for the whole 28 days. WOW! I wasn't expecting that.
This isn't easy work. But having made the decision makes it so much easier.
Lust and Love
On the Challenge, we have worked through several powerful exercises that are leading people to some incredible truths about themselves. I am blown away by people's realizations and never in my wildest dreams thought this could be so life-changing.
Lusting after things that keep us stuck in our habits and acting on feelings to gain immediate gratification are what keep us reactive. And they are what keep us stuck. This is what it is to drift.
Pushing the observer aside and acting without pausing is dangerous because it injures self-love, harms self-respect and tears down self-trust.
I am in love with this work and more in love with the people discovering things about themselves they never knew before.
One Challenger recently shared an a-ha moment. It came in response to being with her mother and making their favourite cocktail, while the Challenger chose to drink her herbal tea.
She felt the feelings of lust towards the cocktail but also felt the feelings of trust toward herself; she felt the push and pull of it, the strength of her decision in that moment. She knew the choice she had to make, and so, as the observer of her feelings, she made her choice with ease.
She said it was a beautiful experience.
And I understood that.
This is what trusting ourselves feels like and it is the foundation for self-respect and self-love.
You already know how much I love making decisions. If you've been following me since the start, you'll recall my very first blog post was called The Decision.
To me, self-respect comes from a place of making decisions that support the vision we have for our lives, and then following through. Self-love grows out of building trust in ourselves.
So, I challenge you to build some trust in yourself, today. Decide that you will do something, even something small, and then follow through.
Build up that trust in yourself. Show yourself what you're made of. You are stronger than you know.
When We Know Better, We Do Better
Becoming aware of our feelings and choosing our thoughts is where our power lies. This is how we create the life we want. Not by drifting and reacting and taking what comes, but by deciding what we want and making choices to get there.
In order to make those decisions, we need information. What makes it so hard for us to feed ourselves and our children is the fact that food marketers make bold claims that hold very little water.
We are fed lies in clever packaging with healthy claims.
Many of us think we are eating healthy foods and feeding our kids nutritious meals, and yet the giants of food marketing are making us sicker, fatter and unhealthier with every claim they paste on their boxes of food-like products.
With awareness, we can dig deeper and do better.
Let's become more aware of what food marketing is doing to us. Let's keep educating ourselves about what is really going on and what we are actually putting into our bodies.
From this place, we can make better decisions. We can be the observer of our thoughts and feelings and make choices that support prolonged satisfaction, rather than immediate gratification; Decisions that don't have us lusting after things but rather trusting in ourselves to make choices that help us, rather than harm us.
Let's watch as Ottawa's own Yoni Freedhoff unveils the truth on several popular grocery store items that have many of us fooled by savvy marketing. You might be surprised by what you learn.
I like Yoni. Not only is he an MD and a Professor, but he runs Ottawa's non-surgical Bariatric Medical Institute - a multi-disciplinary, ethical, evidence-based nutrition and weight management centre.
The work he is doing matters. The way he speaks makes sense to me and I highly recommend following him and learning from him (he has lots of videos on his website---links below).
In his best-selling book The Diet Fix: Why Diets Fail and How To Make Yours Work, Yoni empowers dieters to navigate real life with a healthy, positive and constructive attitude--one that will prevent them from slipping back into the negative patterns that destroy weight-management success.
Doesn't this sound like something we can all stand to learn about?
I am reading his book, and I highly recommend you do, too.
Because I want you to love your life one bite at a time.
P.S. Have you got a big decision you want to make in your life? What is ONE thing you can do today to begin to make the shift? One small step that could take you closer. I would LOVE to hear from you! Comment below or send me an email at Sarah@SarahTalksFood.com. You are STRONGER than you know. xo
P.P. S. To learn more about Yoni Freedhoff, check out his blog Weighty Matters, follow him on Twitter and like him on Facebook.
P.P.S.S. Let's be friends! Connect with me on Facebook , Twitter and Instagram. 🙂
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