How We Make Others FEEL.

Last weekend, Roger and I attended our annual family reunion in my hometown of Waterloo. It’s always a fun time of year, where we get to catch up my with cousins and their kids, my beloved aunt, and my immediate family who I don’t get to see very often. I also get a very special visit with dear girlfriends who have been with me for almost 25 years. It’s amazing to be able to pick back up right where we left off. Family and “friends-like-family” have a way of doing that. They serve as a reminder that it’s less about what we are talking about and more about the way we feel when we are together.

Upon returning home, I sent an email to one of my cousins thanking him for helping out with something, and he responded with the sweetest note. He shared that his 11 year-old daughter asked if I could visit more often. He asked her why? She responded with the loveliest compliment I have ever been paid: “Sarah makes me feel good.”

I wept when I read it.

For many, many years I was a problem to be solved, the issue people wished would just go away, and the topic of way too many conversations. Until I got sober, I made mistake after mistake, and excuse after excuse for those mistakes, and I created a ton of unnecessary drama in my own and my loved ones’ lives.

Thank God I found my way out at 29 years old. The young people in my life have never even seen me with a wine glass in hand, let alone drunk, and I am so grateful for spending my thirties with clear eyes, my fourties carving a new path, and as I head ever closer to my fifties, I imagine those years to be filled with more discoveries about myself and the world around me as I continue to navigate life’s ups and downs.

Because while life doesn’t all of a sudden become “easy” when we get sober, in a lot of ways it does get easier.

It gets less stressful. Less rife with drama. It becomes more predictable in the most delicious of ways: No more morning hangovers. No more cravings for greasy “hangover food”. No more pounding headache. No more exhaustion from way too many late nights. No more worry about what I may or may not have said…or done. No underlying anxiety about the impact of my behaviours on others or the effects those behaviours have on my body. No more broken promises to myself.

It FEELS better, for me, to live sober.

And through the “good”, the “bad” and everything in between, I get to be awake. I get to feel my life; every inch of it. And I take responsibility for the energy I bring into each room I enter. That’s why my little cousin’s sweet comment meant so much; it felt good to hear because what I’ve been working on for 17 years has less to do with not drinking and more to do with removing alcohol’s mask. It’s been about feeling my way through life, without numbing or “taking off” edges, and although it’s the hardest work I’ve ever done, it’s by far the most rewarding. 

Being seen by this little girl and knowing she feels good around me feels like an indication and a reminder of how far I’ve come. Not too long ago, I couldn’t stand my own company. I was trying so hard to hide the truth of my life, and failing miserably. I got farther and farther away from who I really was, layering myself up with false versions intended to be more palatable than the real thing.

Peeling away the layers has been the work of my life.

As I continue on my journey, I will continue to take responsibility for the energy I bring into the room. I will continue to take it seriously and in as many moments as possible, I will continue to stay mindful that people will forget what I said. And they’ll forget what I did. But they will never forget how I made them feel.

I love you, D. Thank you for showing me what I needed to remember.

I feel good when I’m around you, too.

Because I want you to love your life one bite at a time.

P.S. If you’d like to get REAL and work on your relationship with food, sugar, weight, and body image, I’ve put together a 12 week program that gets to the root of our worthiness issues and we develop a plan together that will help you to treat your body with greater compassion, love and respect. It’s awesome. And I’d love for you to experience it. One Bite At A Time. Visit OBAATCoaching.com to learn more. Registration for the next round will open soon.

P.P.S. If you’d like to learn a little more about me and the things we focus on, I did a live training recently called:“The Truth About Sugar and How To Live A Life Of Freedom Around Food.” 

P.P.P.S. If you’d like to prioritize your health for 14 days, I’d love for you to sign up for my 14 Days of Wellness. Simply enter your name and email address up on the right to begin receiving the messages today. It’s FREE, with no diets, products, challenges or catches…just a chance to remember how amazing you are…for 14 days.

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